imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
