Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i out mim tonsoeep
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