i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
