Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
