NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The air was thick with penises
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
