Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
