Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
