you have to choose: penises or morals?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
