glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
