my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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