Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
