i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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