My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
