I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
