One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
organizing the empties. That sober.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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