Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
