Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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