If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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