remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
