So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
