God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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