apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
