its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
