dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
