If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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