Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
