you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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