So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
is that a dick in a sweater?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
