WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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