ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
