so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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