So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
