just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
