im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They took my balls.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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