I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
