The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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