I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
