3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
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it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
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Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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