don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
