Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
