so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
