but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We are all done wearing pants today
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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