remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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