Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
