You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
