I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Duck Duck Cougar?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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