just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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