dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Help. Why am I so naked?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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