I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
