lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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