I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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