According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
