my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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