Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
