lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
