I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
