My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
