There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
