What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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