I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
