I think I died a long time ago.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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