If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
