So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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