I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
