Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He better not be in your backpack
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
