If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
