so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
