Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
