what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
