I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
