This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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