let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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