you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
