K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
