I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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