"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
