My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize